Virgin America…

… is fortunately no longer a club I belong to. Though for a while I was seemingly its president for life.

But it is the brand-new airline I flew to come out to New York. Super cheap! And speaking of clubs, check out this interior:

That’s really how it looked. Like IKEA designed an exclusive european discoteque. The purpleness was overpowering. After getting off the plane, everything looked yellow for a couple hours.

Virgin’s trying really hard to be “hip” and “fun,” so the flight attendants say very calculatedly hip-yet-understandable-to-old-people things like “24/7″, “no worries”, and “just fasten your seat belt and you’re good to go“. Before boarding, the gate attendant actually said “okay next up, everyone wearing RED can board. Oh ha ha! I’m just jerking you around.” Oh they’re so unoffensively cool and with it! I suspected that one of the flight attendants was actually in the Strokes.

The much-vaunted inflight entertainment system was pretty cool. I watched an episode of The Office. And they had some weirder things like Twin Peaks and a number of what seemed to be student films. I played a couple games of Asteroids. I tried to play Doom but the system crashed and went to a linux boot screen. So I emperically deduced that the inflight system is capable of 80′s-era content but struggles with anything beyond around 1995. They should seriously add Donkey Kong. 1982 is right in their prime processing range. Really Virgin. Donkey Kong’s huge right now.

You can also “chat” with people in other seats. Which seems like the creepiest way of stalking somebody ever. Maybe it’s a new way to pick people up though, who knows? What are you if you join the Mile High Club on Virgin airlines? Probably a douchebag, I guess.

The two rather large and moist people sitting next to me “chatted” with each other the whole flight. They thought it was awesome. They also “danced” in their seat together to music on the inflight radio. I guess I’m happy they found each other.

And in the surest sign yet that I’m getting old, the songs Virgin played on the PA system when we boarded and deplaned were songs I actually really like a lot. “Belfast” by Orbital and “Jumbo” by Underworld. So I was excited. Then I realised Belfast was released 16 years ago and got very sad. Stupid virgin.

In other news: I live in New York City now. Whoo!

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